A few weeks back I accidentally started watching a movie called Captain Phillips in one of the English movie channels. The movie is based on a real story of a freight ship which is boarded by about four determined young pirates and how the crew led by their captain manage to get things back on track. Despite the bigger set of pirates being fended off in their first attempt to board the ship, this set of four very young pirates decide to come back and finally manage to board the ship despite the resistance offered.
Through some clever and smart moves the captain and his team outwit the pirates and convince them to leave with some cash that they have on board using one of the lifeboats. The pirates though at the last minute manage to take the captain as hostage while boarding the lifeboat and leave with the captain as a hostage. The learnings on how to engage with the pirates during the course as the episode plays out which includes various types of mental mind games and negotiations is continuous throughout the movie.
To think of it all of us face the same situations daily at work and at home. The only difference would be that these aren’t life threatening like in the case of the pirates. Listing below are some of the observations and learnings that I noticed in the movie which are relevant in day-to-day situations as well.
1.. Answering questions gives people the feeling that they are in control.
All throughout the captain, despite at times being aggressively pushed back by the pirates was trying to engage with them and find ways of building a conversation through different How’s. The primary reason for the same is as people talk more and more, they get more and more comfortable with you and even start sharing information which otherwise they would have held back from sharing.
2.. Devise questions with a clear idea where you want the discussion or negotiation to go.
In situations like the above and in other daily tricky situations we should decide what is the result that we have in mind and then phrase the How’s and the questions linked to the how’s with this final objective in mind.
3.. How could there also be a graceful way of saying no.
Very often during a serious negotiation or discussion we get stuck in situations where the other person tries to push you into taking a decision or like we say tries to put words into your mouth. When you aren’t sure what decision to take at that point in time but want to avoid saying a No due to various reasons How could be a smart and graceful way to say No for the time being.
4.. Can lead to a better solution which is more towards the one that you would have wanted.
Very often we base our thoughts and the decisions thereafter on our past experiences and conditioning. Very often a How particularly from a different person can set your mind racing in a different direction which can throw up different perspectives and options which we might not have thought of at all.
5.. Make the other side also look at your situation.
One of the biggest challenges in today’s world is the lack of opportunity to express your thoughts and opinions particularly while dealing with a person or a situation where you are the junior partner or in the situation like in the movie where you are at a disadvantage. The ability to bring in the How creates that opening to make the other person understand the challenges very often that need to be overcome to get to your planned destination.
6.. Ensures good implementation since all loops are covered. A good deal is of no good if not executed well.
While negotiating an understanding or a planned action the people involved often look at the tasks to execute with their own horizons and from their own viewpoints. The How part of the implementation helps list out the different steps and actions that are involved which in turn ensures that all stake holders that are involved are aligned in the execution steps and any gaps that are anticipated are ironed out in the initial stages itself to enable a more successful implementation.
As quoted widely a good understanding is reached when it’s a win-win for all that are involved in the action. Two questions that can be asked to push the counterpart to feel that success is being defined in their way are as below.
1.. How will we know we are on track.
2.. How will we address things if we find we are going off track?
Another key ingredient we need to be careful about when finalizing a plan or a negotiation or anything important is that all people who are involved should be on the same understanding on all parameters including the positivity towards the outcomes and the paths involved. The Things that we need to be careful about are usually the following.
a. When the other person says you are right. It’s a clear indication that they aren’t invested in the pointers that are being discussed.
b. I will try. This clearly means am going to fail.
In everyday situations, the phrase “yes” stands as the beacon of agreement, yet it remains a hollow shell without the intricate dance of the “how” to fill it with substance. “Yes” initiates possibility, but it is the meticulous crafting of the “how” that transforms potential into reality. In everyday negotiations, this becomes paramount, for as the adage goes, “The negotiation is often called the art of letting someone else have your way.”. Thus, the true power of “yes” lies not in its utterance, but in the wisdom and skill with which it is brought to life which is enabled by the How. To continue getting more insights on how Yes and How complement each other subscribe to my LinkedIn page, Rejo’s Business Bytes, or my website, rejofrancis.com
