Negotiation is a fundamental skill that plays a critical role in both personal and professional life. When we talk about negotiation, we always think about big negotiations leading to big outcomes. But negotiation is something that we keep using in our day to day lives and is so much part of our routine that we don’t even realize that we are doing it.
We use it for deciding on very small things like deciding between friends or family on which movie to watch during the weekend or which restaurant to go for lunch or dinner or even to decide which dish to order. We use the same skill again while planning out the daily plan with your team or while discussing a certain proposal with your boss and so on.
If we really think we even do this negotiation internally with us also while trying to decide what to wear to office or for a party or while deciding which route to take if we get stuck in traffic while driving.
Like we all know negotiation plays a crucial role in major personal and professional decisions. Imagine a Joint venture or a merger being formed by two companies which are of the same size. Each company will want to get the best out of the evolving deal. But the planned joint venture or merger will only move forward if both the companies are able to negotiate and reach a mutually beneficial agreement.
This being a recruitment and appraisal season negotiation also plays a crucial role in ensuring that you get the best available options. But before we go for an interview, we also do a lot of preparation like understanding details about the profile, the company, the industry, the competition, the key skill sets that they are looking for, how you will be able to link your credentials to convince the recruiter that you are the best person available for this position. Even in this situation the recruiter would be trying to get the best available talent at the cheapest cost available while the person being interviewed would be trying to get the best possible terms from the recruiter. Like in the earlier example things will only move forward when both parties are able to reach a mutually beneficial agreement.
Let’s now look at some of the prominent techniques which are used by skilled negotiators including those who negotiate hostage situations where we aren’t even aware about the identity of the person with whom you are negotiating with.
One of the most successful skills that is used is what is called as Mirroring.
Mirroring also called isopraxism is essentially imitation. It’s a neuro behavior that humans and other animals display in which we copy each to comfort each other. It’s been found that mirroring can be done through speech patterns, body language, vocabulary tempo, and by tone of voice.
This usually happens unconsciously, and we are rarely aware about it when it’s happening but is a sign that people are bonding in sync and establishing a kind of rapport that leads to trust between them.
This unconscious comfort could be because of the basic biological principle that all living things have of being drawn to things which are similar and fearing what’s different.
For purpose of effectiveness in negotiations by mirroring we are only referring to only the words and none of the other methods of mirroring mentioned above. Several organizations like the FBI have mastered this art and have an SOP around it as per which mirroring is when you repeat the last three words or the critical one to three words of what someone has just said. By repeating back, you trigger the mirroring instinct, and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what has said and will enable the process of connecting.
Like I mentioned earlier successful negotiation happens when we can reach a mutually agreeable point and for this purpose knowing exactly what the other person really wants is the most crucial part.
There is this widely quoted example of experiment done by Psychologist Richard Wiseman along with waiters to identify what was more effective in creating a connection with strangers.
Mirroring or positive reinforcement. So, one group of waiters were asked to use positive reinforcements lavishing praise and encouragement on the patrons’ using words like great, no problem and sure etc. as response to each order. The other group of waiters mirrored their patrons by just repeating back their orders back to them.
The waiter group which mirrored ended up getting 70% more tips that the group of waiters who used positive reinforcement.
The actual process of negotiations includes various steps and stages. Mirroring is a useful technique that can be used particularly in the initial stages or when the negotiations stall to build in a better connect with the person on the other side of the table.
To keep knowing more about the various to take negotiations to fruitful conclusions and to understand if technology is making us lose many of our natural negotiation skills do subscribe to my new LinkedIn newsletter Rejo’s Biz Bytes and visit my website www.rejofrancis.com
Interesting!