If we watch any of the movies there will multiple scenes where there is a key decision being taken where the hero or heroine must take the key decision very often between a Yes and a No, like in the case of the movie I watched this weekend, “Pachuvum Athbutha Vilakum” about when the heroine has to say yes when her long-term lover has proposed marriage to her. In fact, there would several such small instances in all the movies that we watch just like there are so many such small incidents were we have to decide between a Yes and a No which is also a reflection what happens in our daily lives.
All of us receive multiple telephone calls from tele callers trying to pitch a product or a service. If you closely observe the questions that most of these trained tele callers, ask is aimed at making you say Yes even if at times you aren’t really interested in taking forward the conversation. Even in our lives we feel so happy when someone answers with a yes to whatever we ask, and we feel we have lost the whole plot if someone answers with a No.
Is this so because we have been conditioned to believe so?
If we really start observing the yes answers that we get for several of our questions during our daily routines, we will find that they are broadly of three types.
- Counterfeit
A counterfeit Yes is when the person wants to say No but says Yes because they feel that it’s an easier escape route or there is still some information which they would like to collect from you which they feel is easier to do if they continue the conversation with a Yes. This also happens very often when in our quest to quest to get a positive result like we saw in the case of tele callers our questions would all be as a matter of habit to make the other person say Yes.
I remember there was this very important client who was the toughest of negotiators. The client organization was structured in such a way that all key decisions could only be taken by the Promoter CEO and since getting time from him was not always easy whenever you did get time you were focused on getting a Yes from him. Since he was someone who would never say No if we built a lot of persuasion on him, he would say Yes to the proposal but wouldn’t tell his team to take it further. So, in the initial stages of handling the account you would feel good after having received that Yes you would soon realize that the Yes wasn’t going anywhere. A classic case of counterfeit Yes.
2. Confirmation
A confirmation Yes is generally a reflective response to a black and white question. The questionnaire could at times be dragging into a trap of saying Yes like we have seen in the multiple tele caller calls that we receive daily, but these are confirmations which normally don’t lead to any real action. This is also the reason why in meetings lot of people agree to lot of things based on the discussions that keep coming up in the meeting, but no real action follows this confirmation after that.
3. Commitment
This is the true Yes where there is a real deal and agreement which leads to the next level of actions to conclude the understanding.
If we ever believe that we can control or manage others decisions with only logic we are living in a fools paradise. What we can do is while we can’t control anyone’s decisions, we can influence them by seeing and hearing exactly what they want.
So, everyone we meet is driven by two basic desires or urges.
- The need to feel safe and secure.
- The need to be in control.
It is in this perspective that No can play a crucial part in any important conversation or discussion if used effectively. If we really think No has the following skills
- It allows the real issues to come forth.
- It makes the person taking the decision feel safe.
- It helps address the real issues and hence leads to better decisions.
- Slows things down so that it doesn’t lead to confirmation Yes that we discussed earlier.
We are always told and conditioned to be nice, and this is one of the primary reasons that we aim for a Yes under all situations. Very often in the act of being too nice we end up putting the other people in the conversation feeling insecure and not having enough control.
Since No is the opposite of Yes, we have traditionally felt that getting a No is the end of the conversation and the way forward which isn’t the case as long we stay open to the opportunity it unfolds to take the conversation forward by understanding the concerns which are leading to the No.
To understand more about not being a slave of Yes and how at times instigating a No can lead to a better discussion and a firm committed Yes do subscribe to my LinkedIn newsletter Rejo’s Biz Bytes and visit my website www.rejofrancis.com.
There are Yes and No answers and all the shades of Grey in between.